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Monday Feb 16
Today I realized how much my perception of reality is a lie I tell to comfort myself. I am refusing to learn what the culture of poverty means so that I don't have to radically change. Observe, copy, understand [this is the process given to us during orientation for cross cultural interaction. It basically means that first you have to observe a culture, then copy what you see being done, and then gradually you will come to understand why it is the way it is. I've come to see its usefulness in a lot of different spheres, or just to see different things as "cultures"]. Am I really willing to understand the pains of this world? I have to share in the sufferings of Christ. I will never understand them until then. Today I learned that a dear friend's dad has cancer, I thought a lot about a story a friend here told me about his Rwandan friend who lost his entire family in the 1994 genocide, and I read an account of a lost boy of the Dinka of southern Sudan. All this pain confronting me doesn't just make me hurt, but challenges the very core of the way I see the world. It's so surprising to me every time I hear about another everyday, commonplace thing in my life with is a distant dream of the average Ugandan, indeed the average human being. And it's so surprising to me to find out what is commonplace and everyday in its stead. Injustice. Starvation. War. Disease. But it is always surprising. Just like someone who comes to a different culture and deep down continues to expect the people to act as they're used to, I cannot understand poverty. Every day it is surprising. I came to Uganda with a large amount of arrogance about my understanding of poverty. "I've seen it before. I've come to terms with it. I've learned to deal with it." Lies. True love doesn't let you "deal with it." True understanding of poverty is not something you can "come to terms with." It's something that makes you want to cry, want it all to end, every day. Otherwise you are lying to yourself. Sure, your head can understand it all just fine, even understand it well, in that sense. But your heart is another story, isn't it? Truth be told, I'm a bit disgusted with myself right now, and how little I understand, how little I love, and how great I think my understanding and love are. Jesus understands injustice, that's for sure. What's more unjust that a sinless man being crucified? Blessed are the poor, blessed are those who mourn, the hungry, the hated, the persecuted. Woe to the rich, the well fed, those who laugh now, those who are spoken well of. It all makes sense. How could the rich ever understand the story of the God of all becoming man and suffering the greatest injustice of all time? I wonder why I don't care about the poor! I don't understand the gospel because if I did I would follow it.
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After I turned out the lights (what a blessing is electricity by the way!), I tossed and turned in bed for a long time. I realized that my luxury is more important to me than others' survival. I began to think that maybe if I understood poverty (which can basically be swapped for human existence for the vast majority of the world) I would live much, much differently. I wanted to throw the computer I'm writing on out the window. Then I thought, well, I must not really understand the gospel that much either. Luke 6:24-26 all made sense. Woe to the rich, because, perhaps, their entire existence is a lie.
This may be offensive to some. It's offensive to me. I want to run from it, but at the same time I know that the only hope that exists comes from running towards it. If we just go ahead and follow Jesus' words that right now don't make any sense to us, (all of Mt 5-7, especially don't store up for yourselves treasures on earth), maybe we'll understand it some day. Maybe if we live the way Jesus tells us to we'll one day realize that he was right!
I, and my broken thoughts, are all a work in progress. Forgive me.
Love,
Charles
1 comments:
Brother, there is nothing to be forgiven. It is an awful thing to realize that the kingdom belongs to the poor, and that we are rich. What shall we do? "Consider the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet he became poor for our sakes, that by his poverty we may become rich." (2 Cor 8:9) How do we become poor, so that we may gain the true riches? I don't know for sure. We have to keep asking. Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be open to you. "How much more shall the father give the holy spirit to those who ask of him?"
Peace,
Phil
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